|Nickolaus A. Pacione (nickolaus) wrote,|
@ 2015-04-02 03:22:00
I haven’t been in Lombard now since 2007 – as I came back to the area for Halloween and made about $25.00 from just on the train selling Issue Five of my magazine. I sold off every copy I had of the magazine and I was on my last $30 00 until I got paid again. Here I am working on this new story that I am fleshing out – I never imagine I would end up with another 10,000 word monster in the short time I am working on this. Well I am asking some classmates to help me plant copies of Issue Five of my magazine or the second namesake in the cyber-café that was in Lombard back in 1997 if this is still there that is.
This anthology I am working on is in the home stretch and I am not done yet – I am trying to convince a classmate who’s been in the area and my source about how half of the classmates remained in the area and haven’t changed worth a damn. I guess when it comes to some classmates – the witch-hunts they start are the last chance at glory they will ever have. But seems like when they’re willing to start something like this; when they go demonizing someone who did something with their life when the options were very limited to them. My question I ask, “What the fuck have you done with yourself in 20 years besides giving yourself a shocker?”
I will say this much – what I read according to Andy’s comment; have they really changed that much?
Hard to say or hard to define by much – the only one who really did change was me at our 10 year reunion. When they asked me why I don’t wear glasses anymore – it will be twenty years since my eyes corrected themselves and my eyes are 20/30 in the right eye and 20/20 in the left so my left lens was clear plastic meaning it was not really a corrective lens and the eye doctor told me, “You may as well take the glasses off, you really don’t need them anymore.”
That was a huge change to me when I came back from Great Lakes Recruit Training Center and it will be 20 years ago when I first started seeing a shrink for ADHD and she told me to keep a composition book; Steeplecase was written from one of those things as I barely handwrite shit these days. Lombard was weird for me when I lived in Glendale Heights, but when looking at the area now – I felt more like an outsider of that area than I first moved to Glendale Heights in 1987.
That’s how I know I changed because when I came back to Glendale Heights after being discharged from basic training for having ADHD it was less than a month away that I would learn of my biological father’s identity too. Easter fell on April 9th, 1995, and I was coming home from church when my mother and step-father decided to sit me down asking me about if I wanted to change my last name. It didn’t feel like it fit me because of my Mediterranean first name; having that tie being part Mediterranean I felt that I was going to keep my last name I was born with for better or worst but I didn’t quite go full time as a short story writer yet. My darker thoughts and emotions were crawling in my mind about my biological father and my composition book that was my journal at the time.
This blog plays off my column I had in college; an underground column I kept that I plastered on the bulletin board as Ole Guttermouth; my cousin was ribbing on me saying I should call my official website The Guttermouth Chronicles. But with this blog you seen how close to that era was like but more blog entries than I churned out with when I had my column as this had traits of my column I had with Gothicunderworld.com in 2003; I also contributed to Shoggoth.net too as a columnist.
I can see a classmate responding to this, “What truly have you done in the last 20 years if you haven’t left the area?”
Well here I am working on a horror story based upon a classmate who is deemed a public figure by The Daily Herald and Chicago Sun-Times; and this is a scary fucking work in itself as it’s a meta-work like some of the stories yet to be published. It is not an official event for me unless someone is picketing outside the venue saying how “bigoted” I am or something in the vein of “misogynistic” -- which I am neither of these though there is an article going around where I might be called that.
Political correctness bullshit – will you do this for me, take a fucking joke already; because I don’t think the political correctness is right and gets under my skin. Sad how many things remained the same and the question is how many really did change or become even more asshole-like as adults. My new work is now 10,700 words and climbing then the new article is 3,000 plus as you will find this linked from my pinterest if you want to click around and find it. The world some know had died years ago – as in according to classmates the thought of school spirit being existent, I am sorry to disappoint those who are adults wearing their old Letterman jackets but that world died years ago when Billy Porras murdered a man.
“Isn’t that a bit…”
I know some would finish that with “dark?”
Compared to my classmates in the recent years – I been a little saintly and even then I am still the sinner among them.
I know some classmates looked at me strangely in college because I had such macabre ideas in my head – the thing that one gave me a book titled Embraced by the Light but I saw something ghoulish from this. It became the subject matter I wanted to explore in college but I knew I would end up fucking it up; this subject matter was too powerful for me at age 20 to explore – I had read the books on the subject and what you will see with the blogs and second namesake is I explored Near Death Experiences with the ideas and horror that would been born from them. The material was ripe; and knew when I did it this time I knew I was able to finally do this subject matter justice.
Working on getting these new batches ready for CreateSpace.com I know one thing; it took some figuring out with the spine width – as I am sure the jackholes would jump down my throat for not being able to really do this from the git-go as that’s the hang-up sometimes with my CreateSpace.com versions. Those of you who are making fun of my ability to work with CreateSpace.com shut up and see what I did with the second namesake because this looks very cool and interesting as what the staff also said of me. But the one thing will be a cakewalk is moving Issue 12 to CreateSpace.com as that will be also arriving soon (I need to rewrite the Editor’s lounge and redesign the TOC page then re-create the copyright page. Tabloid Purposes: Book Five will be easier there then working on The Iliad’s cover layout and having to flatten my layers. They told me I was too complex with that one. That is a first but I managed to get the others working though.)
Calling me a retard – okay asshole let’s see you assemble a book segment by segment and know how to take apart Lulu.com titles and reassemble them for CreateSpace.com. I doubt you know how to do that without having to create the pdf from scatch. I am going to be giving Tabetha Jones the same tools I use to operate with CreateSpace.com where I can do the page number right at page one with the body of the book, the numberless pages, the roman numeral pages and the numberless pages at the end where it’s the author bios. Well I am willing to teach some classmates how to do this but I doubt some were willing as they gave me a dirty look – it seems like when you mention “writer” or “author” it’s kind of a dirty word to them in ways. The red tape I guess but when you’re a writer, you do see things differently and when you are strange – they do see you as the stranger at times as The Doors relates.
Well the thing goes some of the authors on CreateSpace.com as I seen their books, appear like they never left the manuscript stage as Issue Five might be given that weird look because it’s got the typewriter fonts. That’s what made the particular issue very distinct compared to the other magazine issues – I am thinking about the fonts I want to use for the anthology ensemble project knowing that I will have classmates planting this around Lombard, Illinois. I will also have them planting Issue Five in Waiting Rooms would be cool to have an interesting read for those who have to be in the ER for some reason other than Red Book or Highlights. The second namesake ultimately will go for $16.90 because of this anthologies size – it was cheaper than the Lulu.com version as that was going for $17.80. That way I can offer some good discount codes when it’s live too so you can get them right from me for some percentage off as long it gives me some meat on the bone to play with. Issue Five will go for the same price I had it on Lulu.com -- $12.00 as that was reasonable back when I had it there too but the cover is more elaborate based upon the original cover art.
The anthology I am working on – I will host this myself instead of having someone else host this one; and I am going to enlist a classmate who saw it the way I did. The sad state how our classmates never left the area after graduation about half of them were like this too, there is a story idea in that one somewhere and I am toying around with this. I am sure there are some writers who came from around these areas might see the same thing as two of us did. The classmates who remained what did they do with themselves comes to mind here; I don’t want to imagine them walking the same five blocks they walked since they were fifteen years old. Where I read Stir of Echoes and seen the movie; I know I find myself quoting parts of the film – the same five blocks comes from the movie version of the book.
I am sure if a classmate would be reading this entry they’d be screaming, “Hey I resent that comment you arrogant bastard!”
Bastard – that I am; but Christ man you need to get out more if you lived your entire life in the suburbs and think the only thing to do is get really shitfaced drunk in your thirties and forties. What have you done with your lives if you graduated – what some of you never went to college? I am giving some of you who had the degree in literature a chance to put this educational background to practice. I am sure a few will be calling me a bastard with that remark; don’t care moving on but think about what I am saying with this new story I am writing I learned more about Glen Ellyn than I did when I penned In The Eyes Of A Skull. This new story I am doing is about the size of my latter era work as I am producing more that are the 10,000-18,000 word range. Man that’s surprising if I can go that range more often too and going 2000 words to 3000 plus a blog entry is something that I am very surprised at too.
Some of the classmates really don’t understand this one – why this is a huge deal for me to be able to celebrate my ten year anniversary of when I was first published, it was on my birthday. It will be ten years from when I planned my magazine and I have Issue 10 and Nine out there then will have Issue Five; I need go do some special work to get Issue One, Two and 3 back out there because I will need to take apart the pdf file and back into the word or odt document I created the original body of the magazine so I can do something that will make it look closer to the latter issues of the magazine.
I can’t believe it was after writing House of Spiders I said, “Fuck Poppy Z. Brite and fuck all her clones.”
People will know right then and there I got that from MJK as it was two years ago since I traded correspondence with him with asking him how he went from having very strong language in TOOL albums to cleaning it all up. Yeah that’s one thing one will notice with Lateralus; the lack of strong language. This new story I am writing though will contain some of the strongest language I ever belted out too. So some of the classmates may not realize I did go at it with Poppy Z. Brite with up to writing An Eye In Shadows – the book was at the high water mark of the feud too. As my testimony and Legend Keeper were high water marks in a feud too. I can’t believe I am known for author feuds; did I pioneer this or was this around for years? The author my results came up quite often as a writer is what faggot author, Bret Easton Ellis, urinated on the grave on verbally. That will start a high profile feud – (sticking up middle finger defending David Foster Wallace’s honor.)
You saw a classmate writer feud in 2014 between me and Robert Champion which I think is the one for the ages too because what made this on priceless is he ran into me in 2001 during Journalcon 2001 back in October. So knowing that would he wanted to smash a beer bottle over my head back then knowing what I said now about him being a fabulist (yeah that’s something they say of Stephen Glass with his fucking ‘book’ which tried to portray him s a hero. I am willing to reinstate Jayson Blair to help me go after Robert Baupader because I wonder if there were similarities between what he did and what others had done. Well I think when I look at Blair now – he might be legit since he source checks everything he does.)
Personal journalists might be seen as something they will be taken into obscurity at times because of the medium they do with this – creative nonfiction when combined with Gothic Horror (like I did with The Cabbie Homicide, and Patten of Diagnosis where I didn’t fabricate sources because they came from my memory. Just that the sources for The Cabbie Homicide will be hard to find because it came from the high school newspaper my senior year; the source material for my five year memoir were what I looked up on the online archives of newspapers that chronicled the news stories from the era of the book.)
When I look at the Lombard archives – I noticed the DuPage Theatre as I would pass on the bus when I came to school would be in ruins; but as I returned to Lombard in October of 2007 the theater was ripped down. We had something like that in Burbank, Illinois, as a much larger theater was not in use back in 2007 when it went out of business so the movie theater that I go to in the city took its place. Tradewinds was like that too when I spent a lot of time in Hanover Park, Illinois, on the Cook County side when my step-family lived on Churchill. Knowing what Andy revealed, hardly anyone changed – when someone snubbed the dying or the dead, was that common in Lombard? I know a few who’d see their names erased with a number two pencil from the Book of Life knowing they did that.
I know I was asking classmates, “How fucking dare you did what you pulled?”
Kealan Patrick Burke and I first squared off and pulled that one on me, “How dare you!”
The classmates it’s more, “Me, Myself and I” being the trinity in their world.
If you’re a female who snubs the dying – you have to be an evil bitch on the vile scale; one has to be quite vile to do something like that. I find that very shocking for one to comprehend as I’ve written vile works of fiction in horror; but I never imagined my own graduation class were capable of doing something so vile that it pisses me off. Some of my class has to be that low to pull what they did – well you’re dealing with Lombard and sometimes you see them being assholes there. I want to make sure that my roster will be welcomed in Lombard before I return to the area because the way Morwer acted before the reunion is like my roster was persona non grata – but I am showing that some classmates will feel like they are persona non grata when they show up at my event. Snubbing my roster will be the thing that will give them the persona non grata treatment.
When some of the classmates pulled this on my friends in the modern era too as in they don’t know how to handle a local level public figure; the whole thing I am encouraging is a protest by some of them because what I wrote and said on video. My second book signing when it happened, no one came to protest this as they were threatening to protest this with the term “homophobe” or “bigot” in 2005 because of my public insults at Poppy Z. Brite. The whole thing is I am expecting the protests to come from classmates over An Eye In Shadows or Suburbanite’s Confessional more than anything – but the one I am expecting the protests from are Robert Champion and Mandy Raines because of my very pointed blog entry I did.
I am guessing if Mandy was to do a protest she would be looking for loud speakers to blast house music in the street attempting to overpower a heavy metal show. My roster or modern era friends did nothing wrong but I doubt that a few could handle the high profile friendships – Schaper was the one who was vocal about having the reunion at my watering hole. Well I would love to imagine Schaper being reminded of her failure over and over in my homecoming as that is on video – I can’t that made the light of day on Vimeo.com (I need to grab a copy of the Vimeo version because there were parts I missed because of interviews and such.)
The questions are many when I wonder why half of the class remained in the area – I can understand some left the area as the reason I left was to get away from the crime that came in and be closer to a woman who now I can’t stand. The area – well when I returned they just ripped down the movie theater; but it is a question how much of Lombard was decayed from the early eras. The early era was the 1920s as some landmarks were there since then. I only came to Lombard when I felt it was really necessary but when it comes to making peace with the classmates and my roster; it’s unfinished business. Biba Quadir was the only one who knew of my return in 1999 – no one really knew I came back for a week as Richie saw me intoxicated from a combination of liquor and my meds which was an interaction I wasn’t expecting. It was scary that I had an interaction like that – thinking about what happened to Wayne Static of Static-X having he died from an interaction between alcohol and Xanax.
But when a classmate fucks up rather bad – I am chronicling it and wonder if the new principle sees the infamy when it happens. Our junior year was peppered with a gym teacher who got arrested because he fucked a female student in then P. E. Office; I remember some were doing cat calls outside the English classroom I was in when someone pointed out who she was. That was years before the Mary Kay was getting knocked up by a 13 year old student (then in 1997 he was 13.) The teacher was a year older than my cousin and a year younger than my mother – so I think it was not exactly appropriate fucking a student who was the same age as her oldest son. Doesn’t our class realize that what happened with Mary Kay happened in 1993 with Richard Kruse it happened before in Illinois, we saw that unfold as some don’t like thinking about the controversies and that was a huge one. Fox 32 News was knocking on our front door about that one.
One of my sources was Keith Tomson’s brother telling me he did this before at the previous Glenbard where his wife was a previous student. Art Barnum broke the story wide open and if you did a movie based on the case – they have my book to work with because that was within the 1992 1993 school years as that took place. You have to realize the classmates tried to ignore the breaking news story back then as you sometimes still seen the scars of that scandal I thought about that as I wrote An Eye In Shadows as I remember where I was when it went down. I saw the police with the news crew batting on his door.
“Get your ass out of the house pedophile. Richard Kruse we have a warrant for your arrest,” is what I imagine going on behind the cameras as that wasn’t heard on camera – I would love to imagine if they were allowed to swear on camera because they might had slammed his ass into the ground quite hard knowing he was a pedophile. What I want to know if someone chronicled the full hearing of him before the State of Illinois Board of Education on video because that was a landmark case – really the first time a teacher was tried for fucking a student. Washington with Mary Kay should been watching Illinois with that one because this happened before in our state.
I was thinking greatly about that while in college of the Richard Kruse scandal. Glenbard East was scandal scarred because of that – Wandering In Darkness was set in that school year.
Why he was moved to Glenbard East was he did this in Glenbard North – he was removed from his teaching duties on February of that year too; thanks to Chicago Tribune, digitizing the articles of the era I can give a more accurate picture of the story that unfolded in the era. How my classmates are shy about talking about this – it’s because this gym teacher had gone to student parties as far as what I remember. I am looking at both articles and looking for the footage of the teacher’s house having the door knocker saying he was under arrest – as what I remember seeing on Fox 32 News in the area he wasn’t home when they originally knocked on the door.
“You remember that?”
I was able write parts of this into my book when it took place but I didn’t have the vital piece of the puzzle at the time, the articles from the Tribune. The tumblr.com blog covered a lot of the memoir’s loose ends and I was able to go more into detail about certain parts I wasn’t able to go more into detail because the information wasn’t there for me to look up in 2007. When the Kruse thing went down there was a bad touch scandal in a Naperville middle school that same year – bad touching of female students aka fingering.
There was a website that chronicled cases across the country on this one, and I am wondering if classmates seen this as I am looking up the teacher in the sex offender registry. He’s actually listed on a sex offender website! I am sure some of you will be looking at me like I am joking I am looking at this and it’s his mugshot; there is a cringe factor on this one he’s smiling on camera like it was his promotional headshot. Last known whereabouts is Elmhurst, Illinois, and out of state after that because he’s trying to land another teaching job as he’s sixty years old now. I will have to do a superimposing of his photo from the yearbook from the era of my sophomore year and his current era photo so you can compare the face – it’s the same guy.
“You found Kruse’s current mug shots?”
They take mug shots of Sex Offenders every few years to keep tabs on them when they involve a child. Mary Kay was photographed under a website of registered sex offenders. He was 42 when he was originally arrested and not incarcerated now according to the website I found, but I know if he finds this blog anyone who is in Illinois – don’t hire him for anything around education or coaching. According to my memory serves me right they ripped up his teaching certificate at the hearing. The smile on his face for the website is disgusting being he looked in the camera saying “yeah I tapped that.”
He is listed as a Florida Sex Offender to my friends in Florida – I am sorry you have to put up with Richard W. Kruse as he was our problem in Illinois. I wonder if the classmates would like to see a current mug shot of their “favorite gym teacher.”
There is fodder there when you realize there can be a movie out of that or a documentary exploring a world of weird and fucked up history. DuPage County was ground zero either paranormal history, teachers having sex with students or a senior who commits an act of cold blooded murder. What Lombard doesn’t realize it’s not immune to that history as this was where the Cabbie Homicide subject admitted to what he did? The shit storm of controversy that Richard Kruse had done and was 22 years ago that Richard W. Kruse on February 19, 1993, they removed him from his teaching duties.
I revealed a huge aspect that I wish I had the information at the time I wrote An Eye In Shadows – this was a huge part of the second half of my junior year that all this took place. Porras killing the cab driver; I wonder if The Daily Herald or Chicago Sun Times made this available too online. Glenbard North High School had something very dark happen in 1994 too – a wrestling was shot and killed; I wonder how much that Willow would remember of this. Jay or Ryan because this might be the Glenbard North High School version of The Cabbie Homicide (this made my first science fiction outing even darker too.)
What is it with me revealing all the dark shit around the rest of the Glenbards? Did Jay or Ryan know of Keith Toma by some chance – he’s from my hometown too; so that’s disturbing when you realize he was from the northernmost part of the village. When you realize it wasn’t just Glenbard East with the dark and disturbing shit that went on – the others within the Glenbard Township weren’t immune either and I have to ask is Glenbard South seen any dark shit like that too?
Richard Kruse’s going to prison and armament was September of 1993 – our senior year; information I didn’t have before when I wrote An Eye In Shadows that I found on the Florida Sex Offender site. It’s like I am staring at the abyss when I am looking at his photo – takes me right back when I learned about then breaking story. He’s going to really hate An Eye In Shadows because I did what Stephen Glass describes as being dragged through a very harsh moment of his life over and over again. Rule of thumb in Florida you have to let them know you’re coming when you’re a registered sex offender; so that’s why he’s on record in Florida or had tried for a teaching certificate in Florida. When I saw that photo; I am going this is a tad creepy I don’t even want to even dredge around in someone like that’s head.
Forget him on that one; I am not about to give a pedophile their fame. What’s creepy about this – being he still looks like he does when he got arrested in 1993; that’s cringe worthy when one thinks about that and you have to imagine how much of dark underbelly I revealed when I was 20 years old. Richard Kruse was the dark underbelly of Glenbard Township District 87.
“What did you reveal Pacione; I don’t like it!”
If one was to reveal what I wrote knowing that there are classmates thinking about the good times from the era; what I knew and revealed – the good times died when you had Fox 32 News covering what happened. This is beyond unnerving what I did that I started talking about Lombard then what I revealed are the very Chicago Tribune articles that chronicled what happened to Richard Kruse and his downfall. I have seen Dark Heart, Iron Hand and I might be the Fox News Version of this – that’s if I am able to contribute to Fox and Friends; I would want to talk about Richard Kruse: 21 years later on the show.
When you realize that Leslie Mahaffy was our age – the victim of a serial killer couple from Canada; when she died I just finished my Freshmen year and was getting ready to go to England so some might not realize why something I am working on like this ensemble project is very important. Same case with Tammy Lyn Homolka who was born in 1975; Leslie would be about my age if she was alive. What I am revealing is pretty disturbing knowing that as some classmates are too ignorant to the disturbing stuff that happen in the world.
They are too wrapped up in their Pleasantville worlds known as the Suburbs to realize what I shown them is the thing of nightmares – the killers had a name in Canada? Does Mattel toys know that their brand toy is been coined something for two serial killers? What is it with me and getting in the heads of those who those who had either raped or killed; I don’t even want to be in the head of a pedophile – that’s kind of nasty when you think about it. That scares me that I do have a profiler trait; I can do things a profiler can as a horror author – I never imagined I would end up profiling Porras and with this blog I did a criminal profile of Richard Kruse.
If I was to choose between dealing with the pedophiles or the supernatural; I would rather deal with the supernatural. I don’t blame FBI profilers almost becoming alcoholics if they have to deal with the nightmares knowing what they do – there were times where I thought about drinking compulsively after what happened to me in 1999 but that wasn’t me. So when one looks at Lombard at this sense of the word; it’s part of a huge reason that I hesitated about returning within Lombard itself. Mowrer when he pulled what he did last year almost cemented me vowing never to return to the area if he didn’t make things right with me; what you see with Robert Champion threatening to sue my family for $10,000 because I had pointed out what he did.
Robert Champion replaced Richard Kruse as the creeper makes you wonder if he was peeping in on 13 year olds when he was 20 years old. Pedophile in the making you think. Trustfund Pedophile – I don’t think there is a stronger insult than that one can use.
So I would like to see him do a video where it organizes a public boycott or try to protest the inclusion of my namesakes as their new versions in East. I would love to see someone really carry out a true protest publicly and video this because I’ve seen boycotts on the web of my work. I’ve seen boycotts of my roster’s work and authors I approved of as Janrae Frank boycotted Joseph Armstead when he was recommended – I guess Glenbard East is too scared when someone is invoking a revolt of dragons.
That’s what they are dealing with when classmates were afraid of someone who starts revolutions. When I examine the nature of controversy itself one would have to imagine if re-revisiting an era when the Richard Kruse student sex scandal is openly discussed. In the eyes of some classmates – I am a demon in some ways; do they really want to see me as a demon? When I look at Lombard, Illinois, it is the examination of scandal and how they brush it under the rug when it hits close to home – when things like that are seen; I hope that some who decide to pick up a word processor and a video camera can use this blog entry to retrace the footsteps I made in this alone.